The Traveling Heels

Realizations: On Life, Love & Stilettos (Drama ahead)

I’ve been staring at my laptop for the past 30 minutes; figuring out how to start this entry. “Hello 2012!”, nah, I’m kinda too late for that or “Just got back from Europe & I’m stil jet lag!”, meh, so boring. Besides, I don’t intend on writing about my trip just now. I’m not even going to be blogging about my latest finds or makeup tips.

I rummaged through my blog archive and noticed that all I ever posted were my favorite beauty products, food or events that I attended and I never shared anything personal to my readers except a few random shout outs via Twitter. (Sometimes too personal, hehe) But I guess it’s about time I wrote about something deep and non-materialistic here.

The last 12 months of my life have been a crazy rollercoaster elevator ride. *Tiny Tower* Sometimes it’s parked at the Penthouse but most of the time it goes straight to the basement and stays there for a while; full of problems. I wouldn’t have overcome those if it weren’t for my crazy friends who stood by me in times of adversity. (and my unpredictable mood swings) 2011 to me, was filled with countless trials on my relationships with people- especially friends.

I realized that not all friendships are meant to be saved and that people you never expected might turn out to be your real friends. I started the previous year pretty bad. I was with the wrong crowd and got into trouble a lot. It came to a point where I almost broke down and even my family got worried but I’m very thankful to Valerie for teaching me that it’s never too late to start. Or in my case, stop all my foolishness. I’ve known Val since we were classmates in grade school and we used to be neighbors. 10 years ago, I would have never imagined that we’d still be friends after graduating from college and I’m glad that we’ve become closer throughout the years.

Before I entered the “blogging world” I heard so many horror stories about people who would pretend to be a friend just so they can milk contacts or ask for favors. (or accuse you of doing such) Sadly, a lot of us had to learn the hard way. But do not fret, only a few people are a**holes. Lol. In fact, I’ve made a lot of wonderful and interesting friends last year. Fashion, beauty and mommy bloggers + readers— It’s nice to learn new things from different walks of life. I got to know a lot of my readers through my makeup workshops and I’ve grown really close to some and call them my adopted little sisters. I was amazed as to how kikay most mommy bloggers are and how comfortable I feel when I’m with them despite the age gap. I feel like I have so many “atchies” (Big sis in Chinese) that I can confide to when I feel down and I’m also happy that I can make them laugh with my corny jokes too. 

A lot of readers may think that we need to always have perfect hair and full makeup on but that’s not the real us. We actually find it hard to keep posing for the camera during events when in reality we just want to spend our time in a house talking about boys, nonsense stuff like urban legends, pig out, burp out loud or even fart (lol) because that’s how real friends are supposed to be. You don’t need to have circle lenses on or dress up and you’re allowed to say what you want to say and not talk like as if we’re robots reading from the script of a PR kit because true friends won’t judge you for what you have to say. I don’t need to mention any names or tag any people here. You know who you guys are. And I am thankful that all of you became a part of my life. We’ve all had our ups and downs. No relationship is ever perfect but there’s nothing that compromise, honesty and girl-time-bonding can’t fix.

Friendship isn’t supposed to be complicated but love on the other hand, sometimes is. I can’t really say that I’m a private person (well, I try to be but fail) because my life is an open book and I am a vocal person by nature. Sometimes I can’t help but be emo or rant out in twitterwhen I feel awful. (Sarreh, iz my crazy woman hormones + mood swings) haha! Seriously, each and every person has a unique coping mechanism and it helps when random strangers share their similar experiences with you. Makes you feel like you’re not alone.

Believe it or not, my whole 2011 was about waiting for something to happen. I spent the entire year waiting for someone that never came back. Stupid, right? But I believe that nothing is more stupid than having regrets and leaving stones unturned. Hold it, I’m not going to share some sob story or explain in detail as I have no idea who on earth will stumble upon this entry but let’s just say everything was going smoothly until one day we drifted apart. I woke up everyday with the same question: “What if?” or “What could have been?” ..for 365 freaking days.

Don’t worry. He doesn’t read my blog. And that’s something I’m thankful for because I hate men who make such a big deal out of blogging and perceive us to be ‘Barbie’. Only my closest friends know about this and I didn’t want to accept that I was depressed until I fixed my shoe cabinet and saw that I had too many pairs. I realized that every time I became sad, I went out to shop for new shoes!

Being in a relationship is like buying a pair of new shoes. You’ll never know if it’s meant for you unless you try it. And sometimes, you only realize that it hurts after wearing it for a while but if you’re lucky, it might be a perfect fit. That’s the thing about relationships, you’ll never know unless you give it a shot.. And it’s something that I never did. Up to this very minute, I still regret not making any effort to make him stay. I was so blinded by my pride that it was too late when I got the chance to finally tell him how I feel. He was already with someone else.

The whole year, I felt like I was walking in a stunning pair of 5-inch platform heels. I had to walk proud, smile and look good in them but reality is, they hurt like hell. It’s hard because I had to put on a happy face everyday and pretend that everything is okay so my friends would stop worrying. And I never expected anyone to understand because after all, no one has tried walking in my shoes. My point in sharing this is: Never let pride get in the way. Do what you want to do and say what you want to say because one day, your regrets will pile up and eat you up if you let pride or anger get the best of you. 

The same goes with friendship. Never be afraid to say sorry or admit your mistakes because that is the only way you will ever resolve a problem. I’ve made so many wrong turns in my life but that never stopped me from finding my way back. So for those who are going through the same thing, never give up. Everyone has friends that they can turn to and if all else fails, there’s always the spa and shopping. 

I hope that this year will be better for all of us. It’s time to let go of all ‘What if’s’ and ‘What could have been’s’ and look forward to an awesome year. Who knows, you might even find the perfect pair of stilettos this year.

So 2012, bring it on. :}